Losing Oliver and Matthew is the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. I feel that I have had a part of me taken away, that live is so unfair.
In the early days I struggled a lot with blaming myself- (Other than multiple birth no reason was ever found for our boys early arrival)- But with the help of my fantastic husband, our amazing families and a very supportive team of hospital staff, I got through Christmas, the boys due date and then returned to work in January. Everyday was (and is still hard) but the bad days get further apart and the good ones closer together. When I was off work for 3 months after their deaths I found that giving myself a routine helped enormously. I may have felt like vegging in bed all day but getting up, going for a swim, going to yoga and seeing friends kept me going. I also made and sold about £200 worth of Christmas tree decorations for a local memory box charity.
I can do things now that I couldn't even think of doing 6 months ago-Have a girly night out, go to the pub, function at work live a normal day to day existence. Even though, really I feel far from my old self.
A "New Normal" soon emerged... however I didn't know at this point that another twist was just around the corner!
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