Pigs and Penguins

I haven't been keeping up with this blog as much as I have meant to recently. This is largely because of the unusually warm weather 'Up North where I have largely been sitting on the patio drinking squash from a wine glass pretending it was a large glass of Pinot. However have had a few thoughts of things to write about whilst trying not to get sunburned (in Gateshead...Yes really!).

Today I thought I'd write about the random things that can really make the feelings of loss I feel come bubbling up to the surface.. They are always there and I'm pretty sure always will be but sometimes unexpected things hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't always the obvious things either. The neonatal death that was covered recently on "One Born Every Minute", The cot death on "Call The Midwife"... you can prepare for and avoid if needed. The couple in the park with the blue twin pram and the trolleys with twin seats in at Sainsbury's are harder to avoid but it gets even more random than that.

On Saturday afternoon, Chris and I decided to go to our local farm. Not just because he is from the West Country and needed a tractor fix, but because they have a nice café with picnic tables etc.

Anyway, while we were there we met this gorgeous creature and her 9 little ones!

Whilst feeling slightly guilty about the bacon sandwich that I had had for breakfast that morning, I noticed that one of the little piglets looked a bit..erm runty! He (or she) was very skinny you could see his ribs and his brothers and sisters weren't letting him anywhere near his mum and food! I suddenly felt really worried about Runty Piglet, were the staff bottle feeding him?, would he be ok, should I mention it to someone etc, etc, and it brought home to me how it isn't always things that you would expect that brings the subject of loosing a baby to the front of your mind.

Not long after we lost the boys there was a BBC nature documentary about penguins called "The Spy in The Huddle" In one episode a baby penguins freezes to death in a storm and the bereaved parents go hunting for it. I got so upset watching it .. at one point I think I turned to Chris and said "I bet there isn't even a Barbara Penguin!"- Barbara is the name of our bereavement counsellor.

I was tempted to go and check up on Runty Piglet this afternoon, but I'm sure he is being well looked after by the staff at Bill Quay Farm. However it just goes to show, emotions are unpredictable things. I can hold my friend's new born son but get upset by a penguin and a piglet!

Tomorrow's post will be about doughnuts.. I can taste it already.