15th October- Wave of Light 2013

On International Baby Loss Awareness day, bereaved parents all over the world are encouraged to light candles to remember their little ones and others gone to soon.

Every day, in the UK alone, 17 babies are still born or die in the first 28 days of life. That means since we lost Oliver and Matthew, over 6000 other families have been through a similar pain.

Tonight candles will be burning brightly between 7-8pm (local time zones) all across the world. I'll be joining in and lighting candles, not only to remember my boys but also to remember all the other babies lost through still birth and neonatal death.

Remembering Matthew and Oliver and others whose parents miss them tons. Especially;

George & Grace , Thomas & Jessica, Ella and all the Newcastle Sands babies, Sam, May & Marianne, Chloe and Vinnie whose Mum's are all good friends of mine. Also, Harriet & Felicity and all the TAMBA BSG babies, all the Babycentre PAIL babies and not forgetting a final mention to a fellow bloggers little boys Gabriele, Santino, Benedetto and Vincenzo.

And all of the other little stars who never got the chance to show how brightly they could shine!

14th October- A Whole Year

For our boys, who on this day last year, left this world as they came in to it. Together.

Us Two

(A poem we had read out at Matthew and Oliver's cremation and will no doubt read to their sisters when they are bigger.)

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
"Where are you going today?" says Pooh:
"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.
Let's go together," says Pooh, says he.
"Let's go together," says Pooh.

"What's twice eleven?" I said to Pooh.
("Twice what?" said Pooh to Me.)
"I think it ought to be twenty-two."
"Just what I think myself," said Pooh.
"It wasn't an easy sum to do,
But that's what it is," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what it is," said Pooh.

"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.
"Yes, let's," said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.
"As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what they are," said Pooh.

"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh.
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!
Silly old dragons!"- and off they flew.

"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,
"I'm never afraid with you."

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

A.A Milne

Oliver Thomas Broomhall and Matthew Daniel Broomhall

8th October 2012-14th October 2012

13th October- Sophie and Emily's "Nearly Birthday"!

Today is my origional due date for Beanie 1 and Beanie 2, AKA Emily and Sophie. In reality though, it is fair to say that I never expected them to arrive anywhere near this date, especially after we found out that there was 2 of them! It is though, the date I had to reel off to health professionals throughout my pregnancy whilst thinking "yeah right, if they come any time after the end of July then that will be a start!"

It is also going to be an other emotional few days. Monday marks a year since Matthew and Oliver died and Tuesday is the very well timed International Baby Loss Awareness day.

I just thought to mark our girls' "Nearly Birthday, that I'd write a short post (before they wake up and want feeding) about a few things that I have noticed since they were born.

Firstly, people are always telling me how tiny they are... Now, Emily and Sophie are a bit petite, currently around the 6lb mark. However, when they were born at 36w, their weight was bang on the 50th percentile and slightly higher than the average weight for twins. Because my boys were so tiny. I think of the girls as being, if not huge, at least normal baby size. Here, to illustrate this point are a hat and nappy belonging to Emily and a hat and nappy belonging to Oliver (both twin 1 just to make it fair!)

It is worth mentioning that this nappy was MASSIVE on Oliver's little bottom!

 

 

Secondly, as we have managed to get out and about with the girls, it has become apparent how much attention twins get. A bit of me feels thrilled, what mother doesn't want tons of random strangers telling her how wonderful her babies are? However another bit of me feels really sad. Matthew and Oliver never got all that attention, they totally missed out on it and they were wonderful too!

On a similar theme someone in a shop said an absolute cracker to me the other day;

"Are they twins?"

Er no.. I just wandered around with a double pram until I found a baby that looked identical to my own and popped them in!!!

To finish on a happy note, On Tuesday we took our little ladies to twins clinic to drop off some cake and thank the staff who looked after all of us throughout my traumatic pregnancy. I was totally taken a back by ho many people from the sonographers and health care assistants to the midwives and consultants, who came over to tell us how happy they were for us all. I was really touched and felt honored to have had such a fab team supporting me and my family. People knock the NHS but I have no complaints at all about our care from the RVI... except possibly the slightly questionable food!!!

8th October- Happy Birthday Oliver and Matthew.

A message to our boys on their first birthday..

Dear Matthew and Oliver,

Today you would have turned 1. If you were here, I'm sure that we would have had a really fun day with all your family. I would have made you each a cake (as soon as we found out that there were 2 of you we had decided that you shouldn't have to share a birthday cake!) We would have also had a little party and you would have had loads of pressies. I often wonder what you would be like now, what we would have brought you for your birthday, what you would be doing and little things like what colour your eyes would be.

But you aren't here, because you will always be 6 days old. However, that doesn't mean that we can't still have a special day for you. Me, Daddy and your Sisters are going to go in to town and see your special butterfly on the wall at the museum. After that we are going to plant a lovely tree we have brought for the garden. It is a Japanese Maple and the leaves go bright red every autumn. This means that it will look fabulous on your birthday every year. It also has a colourful sign so that everyone can see that it is in memory of two special boys.

We have also got a little present for your sisters. It is a book all about you so that they can grow up knowing all about their big brothers. They are a bit too small to understand it at the moment but I'm sure that they will love it when they are a bit bigger.



Me and your Dad still miss you both terribly and Emily and Sophie, your little sisters would have loved to have met you. But we will try and make your birthday as happy as we can, a wonderful celebration of the two of you!